squeaked.
11:09 PM

你很委屈hor?

squeaked.
3:26 PM

If you're ever expecting me to give you face, I tell you now:

squeaked.
8:29 PM

I don't know how, but if I have half the time to study ALL on Intro to Psych as I have for Communication Across Cultural Contexts, I just feel more at ease studying.

squeaked.
2:25 PM

squeaked.
5:17 PM

You know the feeling when you ask questions or share a thought in hopes of gaining reassurance, but whatever you get is not at all comforting?

squeaked.
7:01 PM

Many things change as we grow older. People come and go, some stay even when apart, some just fade away. Some leave for a long time, but come back into your life unexpectedly. Nobody knows for sure what would happen tomorrow, much less years from now.

squeaked.
11:31 AM

When you have to make a conscious consistent effort just to smile, you know you're really not well.

squeaked.
9:00 PM

I. Am. Supposed. To. Update. This. Space. :(

squeaked.
12:57 AM

Cheng En and Kai Yang at the Clementi centre taught me something new today:
Easy Peasy Lemon Squasy

HAHAHAHA, so this is what kids say these days, as compared to our Yellow Yellow Dirty Fellow! Terribly sick today with the worst cold in awhile, but their silliness really brings a smile and makes teaching a lot easier.
&Kai Yang's ignorant kid question of the day was: How come the other teacher always change? Why you never change? LOL! I told him: the other teachers have something on sometimes so cannot make it lor. Why?? You want me changed too?! -sad face-
Then he gave a cheeky grin and said NO, I don't want to change!, ahahahahaha. Cutie pies...... Despite the kids pissing me off sometimes, I really can't bear to stop teaching any one of the sessions. But I'll definitely have to drop some classes by the time school starts so well, time to pray for a good timetable, weigh my priorities and make choices again :]

squeaked.
10:15 PM

Because you see what others don't see;
You hear what others don't hear;
Therefore you feel what others don't feel.
&When the feeling's mutual, it's love.

You always see something in me that I've never seen,
And find amusement in the least significant things I do or say.

It's amazing how special you can be to someone,
&I thank you for always making me feel so exceptional baby.

I know you know it's not a one way thing ;)

squeaked.
12:29 AM

The best argument I have for why people always spend more time with friends as compared to family is as follows:

Family is one group of people. Even if it's the most important one to anyone alive, it is, still, ONE group of people.
Friends are also a group of people, but everyone has different groups of friends. Some old primary school friends, some secondary school friends, some colleagues, some best friends, boy/girlfriend, some whom you meet once in a blue moon. By then it'll make up many groups.

When we go out with anyone, you don't mix 2 unfamiliar groups together. Just as you don't organise old primary schl get-togethers with a family dinner, you don't put 2 random groups of friends together to hang out with. So in the last stretch of the holidays, it's natural the teens would wanna hang out with all their groups of friends before hectic school starts again. So what's so wrong about spending my days out, some of which were to work???

Makes perfect sense, RIGHT? SO I absolutely hate it when parents bring up issues of their children spending more time with friends than the family. Come on. I come home every night but even then, it's not like we're all gna be available to sit down even for dinner together right? Don't talk about the children caught up with games or school or whatever, daddy won't even be home before 11pm. So there, weekday family get-togethers PHAIL.

On weekends, I'll always reserve a day for family day, and when there's the usual extended family dinner I'll reserve the date for the Lais. Nobody takes it away, not even Spencer. So how does that fail to show that I value family the most? Even then, it doesn't mean you only tell me your plans the night before and expect me to be free, nor any of your children who've grown past the stay-home-all-day age by now. Worse still if you expect me to cancel all plans to go along to yours. Plans are plans. How is your last minute announcement justified to denounce those carefully made plans since weeks or even months ago??? Just cos we're family? NO. Once or twice/once in a blue moon in fine, but this has been for far too many times for our comfort. If not for today being mei's birthday celebration, there is no way I'll keep mum about you pretending I didn't tell you about my scheduled BBQ with classmates I haven't meet since prom. Thinking back about it it still pisses me off real bad. &I'm really sorry I couldn't join the nuggets at WCP today :/

To all parents out there:
You don't assume we care more about friends or whoever else other than family just because we seem to always be out. You'll never know how many times we turn down things we'll really love to go for or reschedule them because of plans with the family, neither would you know how blessed you are with kids that even shelf time for you cos some out there really don't give a damn.

I am here speaking from experience, and that of my closer friends'.
So if you're a parent reading this and begs to differ cos you've an ultra rebellious brat at home, I'm so sorry, wait for him/her to grow up or educate the kid yea. When they deserve it, it's not a problem. If otherwise, DON'T. kick up a big fuss and make your child feel like he/she has been unappreciated.

It annoys us. Really. &I don't believe you don't remember the times you felt the same when you were young yourselves.

We know where you're coming from. But you gotta check out what else you've missed too.

squeaked.
10:11 PM

I chanced upon an old classmate's blog today, and am truly surprised at how deep his thoughts actually run. For one I've never known him well enough to even know what he thinks of on a daily basis. But from the usual actions and words he utter, I definitely didn't think he could possibly act the way his writing portrays him to be.

I'm proud of you friend, and all other friends, who have grown up through the toughest times, stuck in the toughest situations and same old school. We all had our grievances and woes about this school that forcefully kept us all within its walls, with people squirming through fences (hehe!) and challenging rules. But at the end of the day, we all believe, then and now, it is the only school which could bring us up the right way, down the right path, into who we are today. If you refused to subscribe to this ideology, it is time you do now; because as I look out of this world past the protective arms of our school today, I see much more vices and misbehaviour than I had ever imagined. And I'm thankful I was brought up the way I am.

Even more gratifying is the great friends I've made through the six years. Boring 6 years we used to say, passing by the same faces day in and day out. But it is the 6 years we had which allowed us time to test the strength of our friendships, determining who stays and who doesn't, which puzzle pieces fit and which don't. Beyond those 6 years, the future ahead of us will only test us all further. So true friends, celebrate the connections you've built and hold them dear; never let go. I look forward to seeing the same buddies stay chummy, guys and girls, 10 years down the road. Let that be the time we sit down and talk about THOSE WERE THE DAYS ;)

To all who've made my 6 years worthwhile in RV, I LOVE YOU! xoxo~

squeaked.
2:57 PM

BACK FROM PSYCH CAMP WHEEEEE!

Not regretting the decision, made some real cool friends from in there, just pretty tired to say much about it right now. Anomaly 1 is thus the many naps I've been taking/dying to take. I usually hate taking naps, it feels like time wasted and I wake up feeling like stabbing myself.

Another thing common of camps is the loss of voice (whole or part thereof). So I went back to teaching with Yun Rou today, both with hoarse tired voices, and an unusually crowded class, made up of the greatest "variety" of kids: attention seeking, hyperactive, unresponsive, clingy and the mid ranges. I swear I could puke blood trying to fight their voices alone, much less teach. Angus in particular got on my nerves, despite my desperate tries to get him to listen by babysitting (close to) him. Today's one of the days I wished I could choose the personality of my future kids. Yes yes, I wish -.- That's anomaly 2.

Nothing exciting happened for the day considering I was too tired to do much. Maybe the visit to the Jurong Medical Centre in the morning? I'm secretly glad the doc says the infection's gotten much better, cos that meant my stubborn donning of contacts to the right eye on camp day 1 hadn't done much harm to it :B But she reminded me bout the lashes scarring the cornea, so they're thinking of doing something to help that. Whatever it is, it had better not be removing them. GAH

So that's it for now! Perhaps anomaly 3 could be completely random: I'm not sunburnt AT ALL from camp :D hahaha. Will be back soon to update the previous post!

Love you guys who are still following this space! XOXO

squeaked.
8:32 PM

Just back from watching a play with the boy; I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change !
I LOVED IT, no regrets splashing the money wheeeee!

Lots to update, about many things that have been happening. Will come round to it.

squeaked.
11:27 PM

Regardless,

I'VE HAD A GREAT DAY WITH YOU TWO, AND I LOVE Y'ALL

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINYEE ♥
hope you enjoyed your little belated birthday celebration.

squeaked.
12:31 AM

Apart from the inner struggles I have with myself that I've never voiced out, or the occasional times I rant up here about all the uni applications, friends and families, even acquaintances and strangers, have been giving their two-cents worth about it, and that I truly appreciate.

When I finally decide I've come to a conclusive decision, I go to my mum and tell her all about it (not that we've never discussed this before, she even went to FASS Open House with me), I asked her what daddy's opinion was. I know the both of them will respect my choices cos I'm the one doing the studying eventually, but it's still mandatory I let them have a hand in this decision making, whether it is to push me ahead or pull me back for reconsideration.

While out with the best girls today, mummy texted to say that dad's still for FASS given the recognition and establishment it has. (&I quote: bet you feel like pulling your hair off now) ROFL. Funny at that point in time, slightly true, but I understood daddy had a point. So I said I'll come back to discuss one last time with them, dishing out my points and hopefully listen to what they have to say. In the end, in my most shagged mood they made me do a monologue. You've no idea how disappointed I was.

I expected more feedback and a stronger stance coming from dad, cos he was the one who claims to prefer NUS. BUT, I didn't see his effort at making me rethink my choice at all. I told them about my concern as to how my future would pave out should I not get into the major of my choice at all at NUS, or not be offered Honours. IMO it's actually much worse than if I got into NTU, which every practical thinker/adult in the family has been advising against, where I am guaranteed a spot in my Major of interest and and definitely have an attempt at Honours. Through it all, daddy was back-facing me staring into his com. Why then confuse me by offering an alternative opinion if you're not going to contest mine? I genuinely wanted to hear him out and might even go along with them if they could convince me on how "brand" works wonders in the real world. But they didn't. They instead said they've both never been to uni so it's up to me eventually, as long as I've thought my path out clearly. I love it that they give me the freedom to decide my own future. But if they raised a second opinion I think it's only right we contest the 2 choices well before you say you'll leave me to decide.

I've gone ahead to accept NTU finally. I'm gonna study damn hard to prove all the elitist brand-conscious adults out there (well actually they're just practical thinkers la, but now I'm feeling angsty so I'm making them sound damn bad) that it doesn't matter where I go if I work hard. I can be the cream of the crop at NTU and be better than any ol' who accepts NUS shallowly on the basis of prestige. Guys, prestige of the school isn't everything. You give your own name prestige, wherever you might go.

I don't dream to top the faculty or whatsoever, "cream of the crop" was just an exaggeration to get my point across. But I'll do my own choice justice and top my own capabilities. WATCH ME!

Though angsty at this point, I'll make y'all proud daddy mummy, I'll show y'all your trust in me is not misplaced (: Just don't use those confusing antics on me in future ya?

/&I'm not saying everyone who accepts NUS is shallow. Neither do I condemn those who take its prestige as a consideration for choosing it, given that they also have other reasons for the choice (e.g. prog. more suitable for self/offers you opportunities other schls don't). I do understand many people are like that. I'm just saying you haven't given your choice careful thought if you went for NUS only because it's more recognised. Sorry but I honestly think you are shallow.

squeaked.
11:58 PM

I've spent the bulk of today most productively in a looooong while, thinking about my own life and future. Not that I ain't productive at work or what else, it's just that I haven't been putting as much thought as I should into my future direction. It's true I've thought long and hard about my uni choices and all, but ever since I submitted all the relevant applications and documents I've long thrown the worry out. I hardly remembered that I was waiting for replies from schools until people asked about it or updated me about their progress. But once they've reverted to me, both NTU and NUS, I've been trying to empty my mind of my "prejudice against NUS",
pro-NTU" or whatsoever attitudes, so that I'll be very sure at the end of this I've made the right choice and there'll be no regrets. Because I thought it through real hard and it'ld be nothing but THE choice for me.

So today I went down to NUS FASS Open House with mummy to take a look. I guess the scale of the open house was quite a disappointment, not forgetting it didn't look well put up nor went through much planning or preparation. IMO la, I believe they did put in effort to different extents [: So the thing is, I still find myself less interested in NUS despite visiting their Psychology booth and finding out more about their syllabus etc. I asked a student "so what do you think is your edge over NTU Psychology?" She told me a few things, most expectedly of all:
1. We're more established than NTU, we're the first/longest running Psych. programme in Singapore......
2. We're ranked 2nd (I forgot internationally or in Asia, I think the latter?), 1st being Tokyo..... (AH WAIT, SHE DIDN'T STOP HERE) Whereas NTU is like, top 100. (still must put them down first LOL)
3. If you're still unsure if Psych. is your thing then at FASS you actually have the luxury to try out and choose your majors later, so you can change your mind anytime before you do!

Well I've thought about point 3 as an obvious advantage FASS has over what NTU has offered me, but I'm actually pretty sure Psychology is what I wna do. Disregarding the possibility that I might not do well at it at all, there's no doubt I've strong interest in it (:
I actually don't buy their ranking claims cos when I asked her further as to what this rank was based on, whether results or the coursework/syllabus, she told me "in general" -.- How is that convincing ??? In any case I do recognise that NUS is generally ranked higher and thus more sought after than any other local uni, but I don't think that that should stand alone as a selling point. It's like if your teacher asks "why should I choose you and not X for the Model Student of the Year award?", and you say "cos I'm better!". "How are you better then?" "Just overall lor" -.- You think? Substantial answer? Convincing? Mummy laughed real hard when I gave her the "yea right, sure" look when I recounted to her the girl's response about rankings when asked about their edge over NTU. BUT I KNOW SHE AGREES WITH ME :D
And point one about them being more established.... I guess if being longest running means more established then, Yes.... But not too strong a claim. Until I listened to a Prof's talk about Psych at the LT, and he claims the NUS Psych prog. has been visited and certified comparable to internationally acclaimed Psych. programmes, then I thought, okay, now THIS I believe, makes you established. BUT! That in no way means NTU's isn't, cos I don't think any uni course of a local university should get away failing international standards! After all, Yun Rou has told me there've been claims about NTU Psych. being (the most? not so sure if this is the exact claim) established too, so for this point, I'll choose to put them on par.

&from my own observation, the list of electives that the student has showed me seriously pales in comparison to NTU's. Despite them claiming to have the most variety etc (BULLSHIT HOR this one I've eyes to see I've damn sure), you actually only just get to choose 3 electives anyway (no matter how VARIOUSrofl their options). Whereas in NTU's case I choose from a plethora of further broken down electives, and can choose clearly more. Perhaps they'ld not cover as much depth as NUS' would? But why would I want to cover so much depth in smth I lack interest in, right?? HEH So for that, NTU ftw!
Thus FINALLY, the only reason I'll pick NUS eventually would likely be cos I'm afraid I might actually flunk even the foundation of Psych. to continue my course of study? ):

I know whenever I talk bout uni, my opinions are largely skewed towards NTU, but that's what I stand for so it's just my personal take debating to myself about my education path! You can of couse beg to differ, or even provide me another valid perspective so that I could reconsider. However if you're downright displeased with my take then don't come back till after June, save yourself from the torture ;)

Right so besides studies I've been spending another half of the day planning/thinking bout my future finances. How the TFL works, how I should allocate my allowance in future, transportation concession or not, fixed deposit? Another bank acc? How will my work with the tuition centre work out? ETC! Wow never knew there was so much to the dollar sign! And then she once again laughed at me when I scrutinised the various deposit accounts of different banks with much care, noting the miserable interest rates. AND EVEN THE FIXED DEPOSITS. Mummy optimistically told me Fixed Deposits pay a lot more interest (like 2%?), then when I happily went checking, NO LOR, max is 0.6%, even when I'm saving up to a MILLION dollars with them -.- Sad ttm only, broke her happy dreams too HAHAHA

Guess I've done enough thinking for the day, will wake up tomorrow more savvy and matured! Till next time! Make the right choice buddies! - whoever's still reading ;)


XOXO!

squeaked.
10:54 PM

YOU HAVE NO REASON TO SHUFFLE MY THINGS WHEN I'VE JUST PACKED THEM UP NICELY, WHETHER IT LOOKS OLD, DIRTY, IS OVERDUE, OUTDATED OR WHATSOEVER. THERE WAS NO MESS, AND I'VE CLEARLY LEFT ONLY WHAT I WISH TO KEEP.

AND THAT BEING SAID YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO THROW ANYTHING AWAY AT ALL COS IT'S EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS! IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO YOU ARE. THOSE ARE MY THINGS AND YOU DO. NOT. MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS ON HOW TO HANDLE THEM WITHOUT MY CONSENT! BEST OF ALL YOU THINK IT'S COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED. PLEASE.

Once again we've been through this only too many times. Since we were young, from when we were kids and had no say over our own belongings, to when we grew up and are annoyingly messy, till now when we know what to stash away, what to throw away and what means most to us, even for daddy. Mum, I've said this only too many times and I. AM. DAMN. SICK. OF. IT.

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SOME THINGS MEAN TO ME? EVEN IF IT MIGHT JUST BE JUNK IN YOUR EYES? How would you feel if I threw away a note dad wrote for you on your 1st anniversary thinking it's just some lousy piece of note paper. HOW???

I'M DARN SICK OF THIS REALLY. I have every bit of repect and love for you as a parent but this???? You know how much I felt like inserting the F word in the most angsty lines of this post? But cos you taught me we should never resort to vulgarities I've grown up using very little of any form of them. What about you? Did you watch me grow up listening to what I say??? Now this further proves the point I've brought forth in my 1st post of the day.

I'm only too jaded at the end of this day.

squeaked.
10:37 PM

It feels great when your younger siblings grow up and start to care more about you. The slightest talks, teases and gestures make me feel loved ;)
Though we still get on each others' nerves sometimes, I love you two bro and sis (:

squeaked.
7:26 PM

I know I know, I've been cyberly inactive for far too long. I've not been coming to the computer ever since I've been done with uni applications, cos there really isn't a need to, nor anything attractive out here. Situation made worse with the longest eye infection I've ever had, with a somewhat blurred eyesight up till now, a brother sitting around the study room all day surfing around Sudden Attack, Counterstrike, L4D, and Facebook -.- Yesyes, what happened to the word study right. &mum's been needing my laptop to do her powerpoints, so I rly can't use it much. I'm losing touch with cyber world! I didn't even use it much on the day I took leave from work to clear the massive mess I've made out of the study room and get some rest. Horrible, how am I supposed to regain the momentum??

So Spencer's just had his block leave which is ending soon, which will then see him going to SCS :D Really happy for him, going somewhere he's been wanting to. We've been out a few days of the week doing the most spontaneous things ever, like fish spa and prawning HAHA. And watching a movie, something I haven't done in the longgggggest time. We've also been at our silliest this week, but it's probably worth a good laugh anw, cos he's gna get busy in SCS :X So, mixed feelings about it, but I'm sure he's a tough man and will do himself and everyone else who cares proud ;)

Boyfriend aside I'm also happy for one of the closest girlfriends I have, for finally getting her hands on a man! HAHAHA, nooooo la, that sounds totally crude :B but he's likely a good nice man so enjoy your happiness ahead baby! I wna see him soon k, will drop a surprise visit anytime soon, and I hope I won't miss you like I always do this time!

Well in the blink of an eye we're into mid-April already. I met Vincent last week on the bus home and chatted a little about school and all, and it dawned upon me that my friends in RV are really slowly (NOT REALLY RIGHT?!) creeping towards their As! I can't help but be reminded of the horrible times. Sometimes I see Sinyee struggling like mad, be it with catching up on new lessons or clearing her backlog, I really have no idea how else to help her other than solve some of her questions at times or keep telling her that she can. Cos I know so well myself that "you can do it", "keep trying", "ask in doubt" and all of those things don't always work. At some point in time you'ld feel only too worn out from trying and trying and trying amidst all the other commitments to believe you can go any further. I've been through that shit once too well to know that such comments/encouragements mostly make you go "URGH" or "Not again!", + *rolls eyeballs*; but I'll keep trying nonetheless. No matter, I hope that they'll all be stronger than I was back then and push on hard. It's gonna be an uphill mountain, but we all know it's all gna be worth it ;)

Due to my horrible lack of updates I'm also sure that some have no idea I took up part-time teaching too at Montessori International thanks to YunRou's lobang (: I've really got to say the short sessions at the end of each week really bring a whole new meaning to life. It's really something I've been yearning to do, so bad! Maybe an inner calling answered? Cos there really are lots of things that I want to do yet have not done owning to lack of opportunities or dampening discouragement.

I started off shaky on my first week of teaching cos it came all too fast! Now that I've a better grasp of my job scope and the kids' new syllabus, I'm glad I've become steadier and built up greater rapport with my students (: In today's lesson the little monsters have clearly opened up to me, but inevitably become more monstrous LOL. Throughout the lesson they wouldn't give me peace going "Teacher teacher teacher!" one after (or even OVER) another.
Sometime mid-lesson Xiangmin asked "Teacher Sharman, you study finish alrd huh?"
Trying hard to comprehend her question I said yup.
Xiangmin: "huh then uni leh, not yet what right?!"
Me: "Orh no la, waiting for school to start lor, some time in August"
At this instant Lyndi popped in and went "huhhhhhh, means you will quit in Aug??!"
Both of them: "Teacher don't laaa, our PSLE in Sep leh, 教完我们啦..."

Somehow their comment struck a chord in me real hard.
Kids will always be this simple-minded and cute no matter how monstrous they can get, and the sheer reliance they develop on you only after a few lessons is something so valuable. I like this feeling. I like to know that I'm doing something useful, helping somebody, and gives them a sense of security, which also explains why I have strong interest in SPF or the field of Psychology. Unfortunately it's been something mum has failed to understand. Time and time again she's dissuaded me from committing too much time to such things and it annoys me, ALOT. She's a great mother, but sometimes she doesn't listen to me with her heart, nor listens to my heart. On angsty tired days when she asks me things she's asked for the zillionth time, I'll really feel defeated, cos it's worse than her dissuading me from doing things I like. It's pure disregard for my thoughts; if you're not gonna have it registered, You ask for what!!?
So I want to tell the whole world now, "Don't ever ask me something if you never listen, or are not interested". It really irks me.

&These days I've also been dying to try many new things in life, be it travelling or just chilling with friends at all sorts of new places or trying activities we've all never done. I need a more exciting life than this! But I guess it'll all have to wait since everyone's busy working/studying....

I know this is an extremely long post, but it consists of all my collective thoughts over this period of inactivity. I hope you've been interested, if not I'm sorry to have bored you ;)

squeaked.
1:56 PM

I'm mad tired and eyes rly need rest after applications but XIAXUE kept me awake once again with her wits and humour pertaining to the Peter Coffin dude. Goodness, I think her best reads have got to be her posts about losers and phonies and REAL BAD PEOPLE/ISSUES in this earth. Really worth a read, and draws some good cracking up! In the best mood for sleep now, I love how clever women can get, in whatever way possible ;)

squeaked.
12:36 AM